Die to Protect
by melancholyMisfit
Summary: Nepeta's thoughts as she watches Equius die and risks her own life. Possible spoilers!


I was going to write this as Homestuck is written so instead of being third person it would be more like first person being spoken to by third person. Such as "Nepeta" being replaced with "you" and "her" with "your" so on and so forth…  
But I chose to write it like this to prevent myself further heartbreak. It practically killed me to write this. Nepeta has always been my favorite female troll (Tavros is my favorite male troll) and I found her relationship with Equius rather cute. I've always wondered what was going through her mind as she watched Equius die and sprang into action.  
This is my first try at writing a Homestuck fic and I'm hoping you guys enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Maybe you'll even cry as much as I did ;-;  
Mild Nepeta and Karkat shipping toward the end!

I did not believe this needed to be posted under M as the gore is not major and the only swearing is from Gamzee one time. I thought T was a suitable rating.

Die to Protect

There were many emotions the young troll had felt throughout her sweeps. She had been sad at times, lonely, angry, worried, scared. But none had come close to the pure terror that was rushing through her veins at this moment. All of those times she'd had her darling lusus to look after her and help her through tough times. After she'd lost her guardian her moirail had picked up the slack. Though he was a bit demanding when telling her to cease her crying or worrying and his hugs were sweaty and smelled rather ripe, she couldn't have survived the game without him there. He was like her brother. No, he was more. He was her moirail.  
Now she felt she needed him more than ever. She shivered as the slight draft in the air duct hit her but she hardly noticed. Her eyes were wide as she stared out of the vent and into the room below. Her moirail stood in a badly lit room with the clown they had thought to be their friend. It was hard to hear but she could have sworn she'd heard a hardly recognizable voice telling him to bow. Gamzee had always been silly and off in his own world. They never thought he was capable of hurting anyone. His lighthearted honking now sounded as a warning. He had one of Equius's bows, one that had not been broken, in one hand and an arrow in the other. He repeatedly demanded Equius to bow before him but, while he normally would do anything the grand high blood asked of him as quickly as possible, he sensed something was not right with the clown and instead chose to ask about Terezi's whereabouts.  
She saw a red glint and knew almost instantly that he was wearing Pyrope's glasses. Had he already gotten to her? Reaching the end of his fuse Gamzee strung the bow and Nepeta watched in horror as he released and the arrow lodged itself into Equius's left knee bringing him into the bow Gamzee craved. Dark blue blood gushed from the wound and the sheen on Eq's face and shoulders was visible even in the limited light. Nepeta willed herself to close her eyes and take several deep breaths as she tried to calm herself. She heard a distinct snap and her eyes shot open again. Gamzee was standing in front of Equius with the bow, the wood now snapped in half, held up between them. Nepeta couldn't hear a thing they were saying against the pounding in her head and ears  
Things seemed to move so slowly as Gamzee wrapped the string of the bow around Equius's neck. He pulled the ends slowly as it grew tighter around his throat until he let out a strangled gasp as a sign his air had been cut off. Nepeta tried to move but couldn't. She watched as Equius's face turned as blue as his blood and he ceased to move.  
Why Equius? Why hadn't he fought back? Everyone knew that he was the strongest of them all. He could have pulled the bow from his hands, broken the string that tied around his neck. If a low blood had been the one trying to end his life he would have done just that. But he saw Gamzee as his superior and wouldn't do a thing to go against his wishes. If he wanted Eq to die, then he would die without a fight.  
Nepeta finally found her courage as her claws came into view. When she used to hunt for her food she'd taken down beasts three times his size and six times his weight. She would kill him for what he did to her beloved moirail or she would die trying. Without a second thought Nepeta kicked the vent screen from its place and pounced from the air duct. Olive green tears streaked her face and neck as she fell toward the clown. He'd heard the noise of her kick and her battle cry, turning to watch her descend upon him. He smiled. Not in the laid back way he had in the past. No. His smile was pure deranged amusement. She pulled her right arm back as she grew closer, preparing to slice that smile right off his painted face.  
"Nepeta." Equius's now silenced voice echoed in her memories as Gamzee reached out and seized her wrist before she made contact.  
She heard a crack and felt the pain as he easily broke her wrist in his high blood strength. The smile didn't falter as he used her claws to drag three deep gashes across his face. Indigo blood began to slide down his face from the split skin, smudging his face paint. Fear, anger and sadness gripped her as she quickly glanced from Gamzee's face to Equius's limp body sprawled out on the floor. He released her wrist and she moved back from him quickly, cradling her broken wrist and possibly broken arm. His smile, if possible, became even more mockingly terrifying as he opened his strife specibus and removed two of his clubs. He was upon her within seconds. She swiped at him with her left claws but he smashed her hand between the two clubs. She whimpered in pain as she ripped her hand back. Moving faster than she could register in her fear impaired state he swatted one of her legs with a club hard enough to make her fall to her knee much like Equius had moments before.  
She looked up at him as he raised one club above his head. His half lidded eyes no longer held the friendship she cherished. The good memories of Gamzee seemed so far away and surreal now.  
"Any last words motherfucker?" He asked, his quirk no longer sounding smooth and sweet like the Faygo he lived on.  
Her eyes landed on Equius who lay across the room. Her tears had begun flowing again as she stared at her fallen moirail.  
"Equius…we'll be together again soon. Right?" She asked quietly as Gamzee's club descended upon her head and everything went dark after a spray of olive green blood cut through her vision.

In the darkness Nepeta felt light as she floated through what seemed like endless nothingness. It was like flying. Not like the flying she'd done on Derse. Not even close. She felt weightless.  
Gamzee was gone, the blood was gone, the pain in her arms, leg and head were gone, the fear was gone, and Equius…Equius was gone. She didn't know what the afterlife was like for trolls. Sure, she'd died on Derse but her waking self was still alive then. That death just sent her back to her conscious body as she woke just where she'd fallen asleep. But this death was different. It was final. She remembered hearing something about dream bubbles. She had yet to experience the life within a dream bubble but she looked forward to seeing her friends again.  
She began to think about what being dead really meant. She wouldn't be able to roleplay with Terezi anymore or update her shipping wall. She would never enjoy a relaxing afternoon cat nap ever again. She would never grow to become an adult or fill a pail with her future matesprit or kismesis. That hit her harder than the other things as Karkat's face came into her thoughts. She never made her flushed feeling for Karkat clear. She wanted to tell him how she'd never felt redder feelings for anyone else and that she wanted to be his matesprit. Would she ever see Karkat again? She silently prayed that she'd meet him in a dream bubble so she could tell him how she felt. She knew it was futile rather it be in life or death as he would always flush for Terezi whether he realized it or not. But just the chance to tell him would mean the world to her.  
Suddenly, a small light formed in the darkness. It grew larger as Nepeta moved toward it. Or at least, she assumed she was moving toward it. It was impossible to tell if she was even moving. For all she knew she was upside down and falling toward it. Either way she could see and feel the light enveloping her and was overwhelmed with the feeling that everything would be alright. And she was right. As the light began to clear she could see him in the distance. Her moirail waiting for her. He wasn't alone. Tavros and Vriska were there. Their eyes were as white as Equius's. Were they dead too? They appeared to be well into a memory already. She grew closer to them and before she knew it her feet were hitting the solid ground of what she assumed to be Tavros's bedroom.  
"Nepeta, you're dead? I told you to hide and to stay away. Why didn't you listen?" Equius began lecturing the way he'd always done.  
She smiled as green tears fell from her white eyes. She used the heel of her hand to swipe at them. "What's the fun in living if your moirail is dead?" She asked as she leaned forward, placing her forehead to his bicep. It was true that she wouldn't get to experience the life she wanted but if she could go back knowing what would happen she would still fight to protect Equius and all of her friends. Even Gamzee.


End file.
